Letters to Dougy not so fresh Part 1
7 November 2016 Eagles News
Dear Doug,
You suck, you remind me of our old coach who use to be an Oregon Duck. You had a good run, but you ran out of luck, it kind of looks like you don’t really give a… alright I probably shouldn’t say that. This team is hard to watch, like a Ryan Howard at-bat. Mistake after mistake they keep on piling, that is why this letter is straight free styling. You had me as a fan, and I started to come around, but then you weren’t able to covert any 4th-downs. But this marks the end of our honeymoon, and I hope we’re able to get into that win column soon. My rhyme may not be impressive, kind of like your coaching, but at least when I do it, most people know that I’m joking. Well while I’m at it, I might as well make my rhymes sophisticated, meanwhile you’re getting out coached and getting manipulated.
While I do believe you’re a better coach than Chip Kelly, but I’m not going to gloat about you and act like you’re Nelly. Although you and Nelly do have something in common, you started off big but you have a big price to pay unlike ramen. And I’m talking about the noodles your secondary played like poodles, they got burnt so bad I thought they were toaster strudels. Or maybe like burnt toast, Green-Beckham seemed invisible, kind of like a ghost, maybe if you played better I wouldn’t have to roast.
But if we’re looking at positives, we almost got the win, but we didn’t and Jesus already knew that I was going to sin. We could have a better record, these games are too close, but now we’re 4-4 and that records kind of gross. Since we’re in philly our fans seem to be impatient, and all the fans want to take some calefacient. Honestly, I don’t know what I’m saying anymore, all I know this team isn’t sweet like chloroform. Plus what does Nelson Agholor do anyways? All he does is drop passes and complains, and then wants to know why I’m mad at him, should I explain? Instead of running out of bounds, you fumbled the ball, I don’t even think that was a bad play call. But this letter isn’t for Nelson, it’s for Dougy P, and your coaching is questionable, kind of like Charlie from it’s always sunny. Anyways this team makes me have high blood-pressure, and to be honest, I think the seasons over, so whatever.
Sincerely,
Nick